Hi guys.

Have you ever felt so low that it feels like you can't actually feel anything?

I do currently and I have no idea what to do.

I've been raving away about the past weekend to anyone who will listen, but I can't remember a time when I felt genuinely happy. I get happy for a few minutes and all of a sudden my mood will just drop and stay low again for ages and i'll find myself pretending to people that i'm actually happy.
Then, when I am actually happy I start over thinking and worrying that everything just comes crashing down so easily that it does and it’s self inflicted.

But i'm not sad. At least, I don't think i'm sad.

I wouldn't know really, because nothing is making me happy and nothing is actually making me sad. I have developed a habit of crying at sporadic points throughout the day and I wish I could tell you why.
I’m not even crying properly now, it’s just tears for a few minutes before it stops and I have to carry on with life again

It feels like i'm not actually feeling anything. I'm just here and not doing anything.

I'm not exactly sure why i've told you this, maybe because i've made a mental promise to myself to tell more people how i'm actually feeling!
Which also means that i've told people how i'm feeling whilst drunk, because that always works out so well! And if you have had to listen to my inner monologue after it has escaped and found it's way onto my text messages then i'm sorry, yet oddly thankful at the same time.

Emily xo